All I can say is "WOW!"
No matter how much you think you can handle anything, nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you for the actuallity of being part of the foster care system.
Life with D is wonderful, exciting, fascinating, depressing, infuriating and frustrating. I suppose that could be said of life with any child. Add in the extra benefits of having a caseworker, a CASA guardian, a Guardian ad litem, a licensing worker, a States Attorney and a Federal court Judge watching everything you do. Everything is documented, everything must be approved, everything has to be monitored, down to the simplest task.
You go into the situation with good intentions. You tell yourself that "Mom and Dad" are a actually good people. You tell yourself that they are just a couple of young kids who did something stupid because they were inexperienced, uninformed, or just had a moment of stupidity. You tell yourself that you are here to help. A child should be with its birthparents. everyone deserves a second chance. Then you find out the real story...
Now I am not one of those sheltered, naive, 'innocent' people who has no idea that reality is not always pretty. I have seen, heard, done, read enough to know that not everyone is 'good' and that there are some very bad people out there. But even so, I find it hard to believe that someone could be mean to a child. Especially when that child looks at them with nothing but complete and total love and trust. Oh sure, I know it happens, but to come to know it in person is still a little hard to take.
Coming face to face with D's parents was a sad reality. Yes, they were a couple of kids. Their concept of the gravity of the situation that they are in is almost a joke. 'Mom' is in the mindset of "you can't tell me what to do" and who knows what "Dad" is thinking. D has been in the system since he was 12 days old. He will be 14 months at the end of this month. The so called parents are just now realizing that this is serious. It is kind of sad to watch them scramble around, trying to rectify things in a few months that they should have been working on for a year now.
I think that they really do have some tiny bit of feeling for the child they brought into the world. I have to think that otherwise they would be total incompetent monsters not worthy of any space. No such creatures could produce something so innocent and pure as the little boy who has come into our lives. And yet these fine upstanding pillars of the community refuse to participate in any attempt to regain their child. Trying to get out of random drug tests, missing visitations or cutting them short for the weakest of reasons, not appearing at substance abuse or anger management counciling and missing reviews does not show good faith efforts. And yet they both seem to think that there is no way that anyone would continue to keep their child from them. Simply amazing...
So forgive me when I say that I no longer believe these two are poor misunderstood kids who got a raw deal. These two are morons. Their combined IQ may be that of a blade of grass, if they are lucky. They have no idea of the gift they were given in their little boy. They don't seem to care that people are trying to help them. Only that they are the ones who have been 'wronged'. Like I said, idiots.
And so we try to take the place that these two should have had in 's life. If we are lucky, he will get to stay with us, and his 'parents' will just be a couple of people he spent time with now and then. If we are lucky, he will have a long and happy life, surrounded by people who love and care for him. Those people don't even have to be us, although I would hope that we are the ones who get that chance. At any rate, even with all the hoops and theatrics and micromanaging and observations, we are the lucky ones.
So even though I no longer have the illusion that his parents are good people who just happened to have a bad moment, I can't help but feel sorry for them. If they are too ignorant to realize what they had, then I don't think they ever will.
