Operation Diaper Replacement...A Success!!

The other night I was awakened by the usual "get up and change me feed me cater to my every whim now now now".  Madame must have been in a good mood since the process took less than an hour.  As I shuffled back to bed, I paused at Davey's door, pondering on whether or not to check in on him.  After a moment, I quietly crept into the darkened room, aided only by the light from the vaporizer.
It took a moment for my eyes to adjust, but finally I was able to locate the small bundle of boy in the sea of blankets.  As I gazed down upon him, it slowly dawned on me that something looked strange.  Tentatively I reached out a hand, and sure enough I found myself patting a bare bottom sticking up in the air.
My first thought was "Shit!"  followed by "Dear God please don't let there be any shit!"
After a moment of hesitant searching, I located the diaper (bone dry) and quickly discovered that one end of the bed was, yep...you guessed it...soaked.
As I reached for a fresh diaper, I pondered the success rate of hauling him out of bed, cleaning him up, putting him in fresh jammies, while stripping the bed and making it up again with clean sheet...while keeping him asleep, or at least not waking him fully up. Fat chance...this called for reinforcments...
I quietly snuck out of the room and crept back into our bedroom.  Gently I stroked my sleeping hubby's foot.  Softly I whispered "I need you..."
"Huh?" he sleepily asked.
"Davey peed all over the bed and I need help cleaning it up."  I have to admit that I may have been a bit too cheery when I made my little announcement.
Somehow, and I am still not quite sure how, we managed to pull off the unthinkable.  The hubby hauled the sleepy little guy out of the bed, stripped what was left of his jammies off, wiped him down and got him in fresh jammies & diaper while I stripped the bed and quickly remade it. With fresh blankies we carefully tucked Davey back into bed, none the wiser of what had just transpired.
I am happy to report that in the morning, Davey still had his diaper on, right up until the moment I stuck him in the bathtub...
I can't wait to see what he does for an encore...

The Great Whipped Cream War of 2012...

This weekend was like any other typical weekend. Total chaos and destruction...
Somewhere on Saturday we braved the elements and hit the store for weekly supplies. Upon our return, Davey decided to help out with unloading the groceries.  This basically means he would grab some random item, wander around with it until something else struck his fancy, then he would drop it where ever he happened to be before grabbing the next item.
This time it happened to be a can of Redi-Whip Whipped Cream.
I saw him running around with it and thought nothing of it. Figured since it was still sealed, he couldn't do much damage...
Somewhere during all this, the hubby headed downstairs to take a few things to the downstairs freezer.  I was preoccupied with madame cranky-pants who was currently amusing herself by alternating squeals of delight with bouts of random swearing that only small babies can pull off. I was vaguely aware that Davey was no where to be seen.
Having settled Alivia, I started dinner preparations.  In the midst of rattling pans, I seem to remember hearing a shriek, but it didn't quiet register.  Then I heard a noise that I couldn't quiet put my finger on, so I headed to the top of the stairs.
"You alive down there?" I hollared.
My question was greeted with the strange noise.  I now realized it was the hubby...only I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying.  After a moment he appeared at the bottom of the stairs, holding a stunned Davey.
"Why does he look funny and is everything all right?"  I asked.
It took the hubby a moment to pull himself together enough to finally sputter out something which I finally translated into "whipped cream"  and "everywhere".
"Huh?"
Between fits of snorting and giggling, it was finally revealed that apparently he had taken Davey and the whipped cream downstairs with him.  Davey had dropped the whipped cream can...and it exploded.
Well, not only exploded, but did that wonderful thing that aresol cans do...meaning it started spinning rapidly spewing whipped cream everywhere...
Davey was, well...covered.  He also looked very traumatized.  It was clear that he couldn't decide whether or not he was in trouble and let's face it, if you were very small and a rabid whipped cream can went zinging by you, you might be a little traumatized too.
I couldn't help notice that the hubby was strangely clean...it was at this point he admitted that as soon as the can started spinning, he took off to the other room.
"You left him there?" I asked.
"It was every man for himself at that point." he responded.
"Well that was kind of sucky.  What did he do?"
This prompted more giggling fits.
"Well - he kind of just froze...he never moved but his eyes kept getting bigger..."
Thankfully a bath took care of all the whipped cream, and Davey is back to ransacking grocery bags. Although I have caught him eyeing any whipped cream cans warily...

As Walmart Turns...

And yet another episode in my long standing hate/despise relationship with WalMart...
After some considerable thought I decided to use my Christmas money to buy a Kindle.  After picking up the kiddos I stopped by my local Wal Mart and wandered back to electronics.  I took a peak at the locked counter an noticed that there were no Kindles inside.  I had however checked online and noted that the store was said to have them In Stock.
I wandered over to the electrontics counter where the clerk of the day was leaning over a telzon, attempting some frenzied ritual known only to her.  Although tempted to leave her be, I threw caution to the wind...
Me:  Do you work here?
Clerk:  Uh, yeah.
Me:  Do you have any Kindle Fire's?  There aren't any on the shelf but the website seemed to think they were in stock here.
Clerk:  Uh, let me check...
Give the girl some points, she actually went over an looked at the shelf where lo and behold the counter was empty, much like I had told her.
Clerk:  Uh, gee... I guess we are out.
We stared at each other for a moment.
Me:  Do you have any idea when you might get some back in?
Clerk:  Yeah, in a day or two I think...soon...just check back...
I stared at the clerk, not saying a word.
Me (after a moment):  Ok.  Sure.  I'm checking back now.
Clerk (blinking in confusion):  Oh. Uh..
Finally the lightbulb turns on...
Clerk:  I could check to see when they are expected in if I could log into this (she holds up a telzon) but it won't let me log in.
I stand there staring at her.
Clerk:  If you want to wait a minute I can try to log in...
Me:  I'm not going anywhere.  Go ahead...Log in...
The clerk starts punching buttons on the telzon.  Another clerk comes by and my clerk asks her if she has a telzon.  After some meaningless banter, clerk no 2 toddles off to fetch her telzon.  She arrives back just in time for my clerk to announce "I'm logged in". After a few minutes she manages to find the information she is looking for.
Clerk:  It says there are 19 in the store.  He said we had 20 and he was going to go look for them but I guess he never found them.
I stare at the clerk.
Clerk:  I could go look for them in back.
Me: That would be nice.  Tell you what, you go look and I will run over and grab some ibuprofene then come back.
Clerk:  Ok.
I run grab my stuff and come right back.  Neither clerk is there, so I park my happy butt next to the register, small children in cart.  We begin our wait...
In the meantime various people are wandering around looking for assistance.  The phone is ringing with no one to answer it.  No big surprise.
Finally the two clerks come out of the back room, my clerk carrying a dvd player box.  Spotting me she cheerfully called out.
Clerk:  We didn't find any.  We looked at all the pallets in the back.
Clerk No 2:  We looked at all the pallets we could reach.
Me:  Uh huh.  I guess the pallets have shrunk alot.
Clerk:  Huh?
Me:  That was pretty fast to search all the pallets.
Clerk No 2:  We checked the ones we could reach.
Me:  What about the one's you couldn't reach?
Both clerks look confused.
Clerk:  You can check back, he will find them
I resist the urge to ask who "he" is, knowing that this may be the final straw that breaks the poor girl's fragile grasp on reality.
Me:  Yeah.  Ok.  Fine.
We stare at each other.  I resist the urge to say I am checking back now.
So now I will end up calling the store tomorrow to see if I can find the mysterious "he".  Maybe he is the Moses of the Effingham Wal Mart...and he will be the savior of Kindle Fires, delivering them unto the hands of the of loving buyers.
Stay tuned for the next episode...