A few weeks ago the hubby’s car committed suicide on the side of I-70 in a rather spectacular fashion. I’ll spare you the gory details, but needless to say there was no chance in hell of resurrecting it. Needless to say this prompted a rather frantic and hurried search for a new mode of transportation.
Now, as many know, we have a few added passengers to our traveling list. This brought about the decision as to the type of vehicle we would need. Something that could hold both of us, two dogs, and a baby or two – not to mention all the equipment that comes with such a brood. Add to this mix the question of pricing and gas mileage and toss what was available for purchase at that moment, and we ended up with 2options – an suv or a van. Needless to say, gas mileage won out and a van won the toss up.
After jumping through various hoops and running several obstacle courses, a van was purchased. Now, for the majority of my driving life, I have driven a stick shift while the hubby is an automatic man. Because of the driving logistics, we found ourselves switching vehicles. My beloved truck was now going to be driven by the hubby and I would drive the van. Out of the two of us, everyone thought it would be the hubby that would have the biggest adjustment. Reality thought otherwise…
First off, this van has more bells, buttons and whistles than I ever thought possible for one vehicle to carry. Let’s start with the parking brake. In the truck (and several other of my vehicles), the parking brake release was located under the dash on the driver’s side. For whatever reason, I always set my parking brake…its a habit that was formed long, long ago. The first morning I drove off to work at 5:30. I noticed that I was going to need gas so I did the expected thing and stopped for gas. Now at 5:30 in the morning, there are not many people out and about at gas stations. As it happened, the little clerk was in her box counting out her cash till. I pulled up, congratulating myself on the fact that I had figured out where the gas tank was so early in the morning, leaped out of the van and went to reach for my purse which would normally be on the seat next to me. Ah, but not this morning. Apparently when I loaded up the van, I had left my purse in the seat behind the driver’s seat.
Let’s back up a bit. This particular van happens to have doors on both sides, not just the passenger side. And this van happens to have a remote which will operate both doors, along with various buttons inside. Being a smart woman, I hit the little remote to open the side door. It worked beautifully only I had the remote upside down and managed to open the door on the other side. Realizing my mistake I ‘closed’ said door and managed to open the correct door without much problem. Grabbing my wallet, I proceeded to swipe my card and select the proper gas. Tossing the card back into my purse, which I tossed back into the van, I turned to pump the gas only to find that there was no gas tank. What the hell? I knew it was on the driver’s side. After walking around the entire van twice (yeah – I know), it suddenly dawned on me…the side door was still open. Taking a risk, I closed the door and sure enough, there was the elusive gas cap. Sheepishly I managed to pump the gas with what little dignity I had left.
Gas tank finally filled, all doors finally closed and me in the driver’s seat, I started up the van and prepared to head off to work. Just before I drove off, I automatically reached down and pulled the parking brake release…only to pop open my hood. Yep, in the van the hood release is located where the parking brake release had been in my other cars. By this time the clerk was paying attention to me from her safe little box. She watched without expression as I leaped out of the van, slammed down the hood, leaped back in the van and promptly DID THE SAME THING AGAIN. Once again I ran out to shut my hood only this time I was successful in my endeavor. I managed to drive off without anymore incident. I did look back to see the girl giggling. I can’t blame her, I was doing the same thing.
I finally managed to get the parking brake/hood release thing under control (well at least I do most days). The next hurdle was those freaking doors. I constantly find myself opening or closing the wrong door. Luckily they have some kind of safety thing on them where they will stop automatically if they sense something in the doorway. Otherwise my poor husband would be in serious trouble. I am constantly closing the door on him while he is getting the midget out of the car seat. I would blame the remote but there happen to be a set of buttons up high in the front. Apparently I can’t work those either. Just about the time I thought I had all the buttons figured out, the van shows me otherwise. I went to work one morning, again it was early. I grabbed my stuff out of the van and carefully locked it up with the remote as I headed inside the building. About a half an hour later, one of my co-workers comes waltzing in and asks me “Did you know both of your side doors were open? I closed them for you.” Dumbfounded does not cover my reaction. Yep, I had very carefully managed to open both doors instead of locking up the van.
I would like to say I have learned my lesson and finally got it under control when it comes to the van, but that would not be entirely true. I can say that I have so far managed to not hit the imaginary clutch or driven off with any doors, including the back hatch, open. However I fully expect any day to find myself driving along and ejecting all passengers with one push of a button. I’m just not sure which button that is ….yet.
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