Double Your Something….

Two kids means double your fun, double your pleasure, and double your consumption of aspirin/Tylenol/Advil/Prozac…whatever your choice (or whatever you have on hand at the time). 

Case in point:

Exhibit 1:  The other day the now 4 year old asks to take his ‘futer’ to bed with him.  Mommy says “no-you stayed up too late last night with it so no futer tonight.”
This apparently does not sit well with the now 4 year old so when mommy is occupied elsewhere, he turns to daddy and asks to take his ‘futer’ to bed with him.  Daddy, who mistakenly thinks he is being clever, asks “what did mommy say?”  To which the now 4 year old says “Mommy said yes!” and flashes that oh-so-innocent smile.  (luckily mommy overheard the conversation and the result was that the now 4 year old did NOT go to bed with his ‘futer’ AND had to listen to a lecture on the evils of trying to outsmart mommy and daddy by saying one said Yes.)

Exhibit 2:  The now 4 year old, who has endured the lecture of trying to outsmart mommy and daddy, now tells the almost 3 year old to “go get my futer off the desk”, when he knows he is not supposed to get things off the desk.  The almost 3 year old complies with the now 4 year old’s request, carefully absconding with the treasured futer and handing it over to the now 4 year old.  Mommy sees the now 4 year old with the futer.  “Did you get that off the desk?”  she asks.  “No” says the now 4 year old.  “Wibia did…Wibia is bad.  I am good.” 

Exhibit 3:  The almost 3 year old behaves like an angel for teach #1.  When teacher #1 leaves for the day, the almost 3 year old sniffs the air, smelling for fresh blood.  Sensing the inexperience of teachers #2 and #3, she plots her attack carefully, waiting for just the right moment, then she pounces.  Mommy comes to pick up the kiddos and receives reports of the almost 3 year olds evil acts upon humanity (as far as day care humanity goes).  Lectures are given, reassurances are made, and through it all, the almost 3 year old looks demurely around, the picture of innocence and sweetness.    On the way home mommy asks “are you going to be good?”  The almost 3 year old smiles a gorgeous smile and says “No.”  (At least she is honest…)

Exhibt 4:  The now 4 year old is playing quietly with his tractors, lining them up and making random tractor noises.  The almost 3 year old heads over and joins in on the play.  Happiness all around. 
Next thing you know – the now 4 year old appears in the kitchen wailing at full volume, followed by the almost 3 year old.  “What’s wrong?” asks mommy – who by now senses that nothing life threatening has occurred, at least not by her standards.  “Wibia threw my tractor down the stairs” the boy cries.  The almost 3 year old stands next to the now 4 year old, smiling proudly.  “Why?” asks mommy – who immediately regrets the question.  “I ate her cookie” responds the now 4 year old.  “Day-dee at my kook-iee” echoes the almost 3 year old.  “Go play nice” says mommy – who is just relieved that she won’t have to clean up the puke of a dog who has been fed multiple cookies by various small people.  The two troop off into the other room.  Moments later a wailing almost 3 year old appears.  “Day-dee threw ninnie (aka blanket) in the fuzzy’s room.”  The now 4 year old appears – “No I didn’t.”  A small smack-fest between the almost 3 year old and the now 4 year old ensues, followed by mommy bellowing “GO TO YOUR ROOMS NOW!!!”  Small people scatter, snuffling loudly.  For a brief moment there is quiet.  Then the sounds of doors opening and closing as small people sneak in and out of their rooms can be heard.

I swear they hold secret meetings to plan this stuff out.

I also swear they secretly own stock in Advil and Tylenol.