With the news of the parents signing their rights away, many of our friends and family expressed joy and excitement over the result of the Termination Hearing. The people who came to testify were also happy with the result...ok thrilled may be more accurate. For most of those individuals, this had been a very long road. Everyone involved was emotionally, physically and mentally tied to the case. It was their hard work and tireless efforts that helped get us to where we are today. I can only imagine the frustration they went through based on our own experiences. The emotional roller coaster that one goes through is not something anyone can really explain or understand. Each case is different and I wouldn't dare insult anyone by saying I know how they feel...I can only sympathize.
Despite the outcome - which, don't get me wrong, was what we had hoped for - I couldn't really feel as excited or joyful as those around me. I kept thinking that I had just watched two people's lives being utterly destroyed. Again, I know that in the end the bottom line was that these two could not or would not do what was needed to keep their children, but even so it was not a pleasant thing to watch.
I listened to several hours of testimony from, well everyone involved with the case. I listened to 'mom' answer questions put to her by the judge to verify she understood what she was doing by signing her rights away. I also listened to 'dad' answer those same question as well. Both time I cried, not out of joy but out of sadness that these two kids were giving up something so precious. I like to think that they both really understood. I like to think they both realized that in the end it was the right thing for the children. I like to think that the experience will help them both be better prepared for the future. I like to think that, but I don't think I will ever really know.
I am not sure what I really thought would happen, or what I would feel. All I know is that my first reaction was sadness...followed by numbness. Almost as if it weren't really happening...any moment we would get a call saying "oops, we made a mistake!"
The parents received a final visit. Something to give them a chance to say 'goodbye'. The powers that be were kind enough to allow the grandmothers to come as well. We didn't go to the visit but instead met up with the worker who took the children to the parents and brought them back. The experience was emotional for everyone involved. I was glad to be able to tell the kids that this "was the last time."
I had sent word to mom that if she had any pictures she wanted the kids to have to please bring them to the visit. She sent four pictures. Luckily I know the people in the pictures since there was no indication of whom they were. I had also given both parents several pictures of the children, spanning the time they arrived to a few weeks before the hearing.
One friend said "you are a better person than I am - I wouldn't have given them anything!" Another expressed surprise as well. I thought long and hard before I sent the pictures. In the end it was a simple decision. At some point the children will have questions. I want to be able to give them good answers. I want to be able to show them "this is your birth mother and father" and "these are your birth grandmothers". I want to be able to tell them "your birth mother and father will remember you always". I want to be able to tell them "they loved you very much and it was a hard decision for them". I want to do this and for it to be true. I owe it to the children, the parents, and myself.
It still makes me sad to think of how things had to play out. But in the end, the children are happy, healthy and will soon officially belong to us. As we move forward to adoption, I find myself beginning to believe that yes, this is really happening. I also find myself a little more relaxed, or as relaxed as one can be with a 2 and 3 year old running around the house. Every morning we sing "Good Morning" and every evening we whisper "I love you" and "Goodnight". In between are hours of joy, frustration, happiness, anger, silliness, tears and an overall sense of completion.
Something I wouldn't change for the world....
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